just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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