You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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