Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
