I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
