I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
