Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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