I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
