Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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