thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
