3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
