I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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