Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
