lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
