bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
