I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
