She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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