I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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