this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
