Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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