Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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