i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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