Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
My brain says no but my pants say off.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
