i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
