never play flip cup with pint glasses
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
