So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
