I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize