I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
