He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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