If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
