im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there was a trapeze. enough said
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
