i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
