In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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