They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
