Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
