i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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