Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize