Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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