I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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