Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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