I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
