Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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