I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
