He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
