Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
