Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
