i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
