To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
