I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
