and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize