im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
