Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
