He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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