The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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