You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
