and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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