I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
