I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
