Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
