he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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