I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
