Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
