FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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