"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
