I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I smell like Dick and happiness
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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