spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
