just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
