Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
