I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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