no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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