So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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