I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
