Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
BRING THE BAGELS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize