I wish I could punch you in the face.
she woke up with a sticky ear
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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