Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
do herpes really smell.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
