How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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