Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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