Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
