This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
