I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
