Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
